


Shatter Me

by Shadowkat83



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Canon Compliant, Dean Winchester Actually Deals With Feelings, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Song Lyrics, Witch Curses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28820913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowkat83/pseuds/Shadowkat83
Summary: Summary: Fear is a normal part of our lives, whether we acknowledge it or not. It's learned, like many things. Just as our response to fear. But what if all of that was right in front of us? What if we could no longer hide from it? What would we do then? Well, then we'd have no choice but to face them.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 6





	Shatter Me

Shatter Me

After a hunt with a witch, Dean finds out he has no choice but to do just that.

Three parts; Shattered, Picking up the Pieces and Healing Me.

_Inspired by the song Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling and Lizzy Hale_

Part One

Shattered

One of the most fascinating things about humans is how the mind works. How it compartmentalizes all of the information it obtains.

Mindscape is another thing. Made up of a collection of memories and experiences upon those that shape up into the people we are today. Mostly described as hallways, lined with doors leading to our memories.

These memories are the ones we most remember, the moments we hold on to. They start small, little things from our childhood and grow as we do. These memories are conscious, easily accessible through unlocked and welcoming doors.

But, there is another set of memories that we record unconsciously, those dark moments in our lives, the pain or trauma. They are hidden and not just behind locked doors. Our mind works to protect us from them, so it does what it needs to to make sure we stay away.

But without our memories we no longer are us, the person we are today, but does that also apply to those hidden memories? The ones that hide our most deep-seated fears? What would we do if we had no choice but to confront fears? Would we deal with them, face them head-on? Or would we still pretend they don't exist, ignore them like we always do?

_I pirouette in the dark_

_I see the stars through me_

_Tired mechanical heart_

_Beats til the song disappear_

\--Dean--

Dean sighed in relief as the witch finally dropped to the floor, dead. He shook his head, glittering dust falling from his dark blond hair. It had been bad luck that she had managed to cast that spell before he could shoot her. After disposing of the body, Dean searched the rest of her house, locating the room where she kept her grimoire and other spell-casting supplies. He put those in his duffel and loaded it into the Impala. The sooner he got back to the bunker, the sooner he could shower.

After three hours of driving Dean finally made it back to the bunker. He pulled his Baby into the garage and grabbed his duffel out of the trunk and headed down the stairs. He could see Sam sitting at a table in the war-room reading one of the bunkers' many lore books. The younger Winchester had a blanket draped across his shoulders and a steaming cup resting next to him. It was the reason that Dean had gone on this particular hunt solo. Cas was spending the day with Claire.

“Hey, Sammy,” he called out in greeting, “I'm back!”

Sam looked up from his book to greet his older brother. He smiled tiredly, “So how'd it go? The witch gives you any trouble?”

Dean shook his head with a grin, "Nah, nothing I couldn't handle. Got covered in powder, but nothing happened, yet."

San frowned a look of worry in his hazel eyes, “Are you sure?”

Dean nodded, “Yep. I'm good. Just gonna go shower and grab a bite to eat. Might turn in early though. Ya need anything while I'm standing?”

Sam shook his head, "I'm good. Gonna finish my tea and then head to bed."

“K, I'll see ya in the morning then.” Waving goodnight, Dean made his way to his room to grab a change of clean clothes.

After a shower and a quick bite to eat Dean headed to bed. As he turned out the lights, he failed to notice the light blue glow that his skin had taken on.

_Somebody shine a light_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me_

_So cut me from the line_

_Dizzy, spinning endlessly_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

\--Castiel--

Castiel slowly made his way through the bunker, his thoughts on his day with Claire. They took care of a few small local hunts together, spending more time bonding than anything. He was really proud of the woman she was becoming.

Cas walked the halls of the bedrooms checking in on Sam and Dean as was normal before heading to his own designated room, but as he passed Dean's room something caught his attention. There was a lite blue glow coming from his hunters' room and it wasn't from any light source that he knew of.

Frowning Cas pushed the partly open door further open and took a look around Dean's room, only to see that the source of light was coming from Dean himself. Concerned now, Cas approached Dean's bed and placed two fingers upon Dean's head to check and see if anything was wrong. As he approached the weird glow faded and Cas could find nothing wrong with Dean. He decided to wait until morning to ask Dean if anything had happened with the witch he had hunted.

_Shatter me!_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

_If only the clockworks could speak_

_I wouldn't be so alone_

_We burn every magnet and spring_

_And spiral into the unknown_

\--Dean--

Dean awoke only to find himself facing a long barely lit hallway. He frowned recognizing the area as the hall that leads to the bedrooms of the bunker, but as he moved closer to one of the doors he noticed that the numbers were all wrong. The door he found himself standing in front of said four, a sinking feeling started pooling in his gut as he gripped the door handle and slowly pushed it open. Instead of an empty bedroom, Dean suddenly found himself staring at a wallpapered hallway watching a young boy run by laughing brightly.

Dean's eyes went wide, “No way!” He breathed out stunned, that small boy was him. _His memories! He was watching his memories!_ Dean swallowed hard, as he watched a blonde woman chasing the boy down the hallway a dark-haired man following behind. Suddenly the man overtook them both and scooped the laughing child up in his arms.

The child squealed, squirming in his arms, “Dad,” he yelled laughing. John laughed smiling at his son and he turned them both to face his wife.

Mary's smile was bright as she watched her husband and son. “Don't get him too riled up John or he'll never sleep,” she scolded, laughing along with them.

_Somebody shine a light_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me_

_So cut me from the line_

_Dizzy, spinning endlessly_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

_Shatter me!_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

Even as Dean watched the memory started to fade out and soon it had completely disappeared, leaving Dean standing on a worn unassuming path. Dean frowned looking around him, wondering what the hell was going on.

Up ahead he noticed a blue glow, feeling drawn Dean headed in that direction and then found himself standing in front of a large broken mirror. It was one of the mirror pieces that had been glowing. Unable to help it, Dean reached out and touched the glowing piece. As he did so the whole area lit up white and Dean closed his eyes as the light became too much to bear.

_If I break the glass, then I'll have to fly_

_There's no one to catch me if I take a dive_

_I'm scared of changing, the days stay the same_

_The world is spinning but only in gray_

_If I break the glass, then I'll have to fly_

_There's no one to catch me if I take a dive_

_I'm scared of changing, the days stay the same_

_The world is spinning but only in gray_

_(Only)_

\--Castiel--

Castiel looked up from the book he was reading as Sam stumbled into the room. The younger Winchester's eyes were red-rimmed and he still looked tired. “Are you alright, Sam?”

Sam paused on his way to the kitchen as Cas spoke up, “Yeah, just this old kept me up most of the night. Imma go grab a cup of tea and some of that medicine that Dean brought home last night.”

Cas nodded, then frowned, "Is Dean still sleeping? Usually, he'd be up making coffee by now."

Sam frowned, "Yea, I think he's still his. That hunt must have tired him out more than he thought." Sam looked at the clock reading the time, "Why don't we give him another hour, and if he's not up by then, we'll go check on him."

Cas nodded, "Alright." That sounded like a good idea, but as the hour came and went with still no sign of Dean stirring, Cas began to worry. Remembering the blue light that came from Dean's room last night, the Angel bookmarked his page and left the library, heading for Dean's room. Sam now just as concerned as Cas followed.

When they reached Dean's room the door was still closed and the lights were off. At least it looked that way at first. When Cas opened the door, Dean was still sprawled out on his bed, but something was off. As the Angel moved closer to his hunter, he immediately saw that something was definitely wrong. There were cracks all along his skin some of them glowing white or light blue, but others were pulsing a dark red.

"What the...?" Sam trailed off in disbelief as he took in his brother's still formed. "What's wrong with him?"

Cas shook his head in confusion, "I have no clue. I've never seen anything like this before." Cas pressed two fingers gently upon Dean's forehead, checking on him, but there was nothing. He couldn't get a single read on Dean. Physically he was fine, but mentally, Cas couldn't tell. The Angel shook his head, "Physically there is nothing wrong, but his mind...it almost appears to be shattered..."

Sam's eyes went wide at that, "Shattered? How is that possible? How did this happen?"

Cas shook his head, “I have no clue. We have no choice but to call Rowena, if this was the witch Dean hunted then she may be able to find a spell to fix this.”

“All right, that sounds good. I'll go and give her a call.” With one last worried look at Dean, Sam left the room reaching for his cell phone.

Cas meanwhile stayed behind, looking carefully at the marks along Dean's skin. He lightly reached out to trace one of the glowing white lines, getting a flash of Deans' memory as he did so. “What have you gotten yourself into now, Dean?”

_Somebody shine a light_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me_

_So cut me from the line_

_Dizzy, spinning endlessly_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

_Shatter me!_

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me!_

  
  


  
  



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